


A Little Unsteady

by fireflystiles (cuddlehazz)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Depression, Happy Ending, M/M, Pack Movie Nights, Panic Attacks, Post-Nogitsune, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Recovery, Season 4 isn't a thing, derek is always there, slowly, stiles stilinski character study, stiles works though stuff, the whole kate dream stuff doesn't happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 02:37:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6734530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlehazz/pseuds/fireflystiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek's always there. Stiles is a little unsteady. Things end up okay, maybe even a little good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Unsteady

Nobody seems to blame me for what happened. Except me. I well and thoroughly blame me. There was so much blood on his hands now. It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t me, that it was the thing controlling me. Because I felt it, sure I tried to fight, but I also enjoyed it. Control was so new and so powerful. Where the control grew and rested, is now empty. I’m empty.

Scott doesn’t know what to do. It’s been weeks and I barely function. It’s like I lost my humanity, lost my soul. Scott gives those frowning puppy looks brimming with concern. Or maybe it’s pity. Or regret. I could ask but that seems likes an awful lot of work for an answer I really don’t want. Scott comes over all the time, tries to get me to eat, talk, be normal. Normal, what a concept, not like it ever fit me even before that thing.

Not everyone in the pack cares, though, which is nice. Lydia doesn’t stop by much but that’s more due to her own feelings and that I don’t even react to her anymore. Malia says I smell bad. Isaac left. Ethan left. Dad looks so sad. He drinks a lot, more than he has since my mom died. Great, another thing I can feel bad for. Dad just doesn’t know what to do. Overtime becomes his new thing. Some people are around more than others.

Like, Derek. His strong point was never talking but now he seems like the chatterbox. How ironic. He comes around the most. At first, he just sat and stared at me. After so long of no reaction he would come in and grab a book, put on a movie, or a tv show. He would comment on it. It took a long time but I started to get comfortable around him. Like growing into a new skin, he was the only one that didn’t try to fit me back into my old one.

Eventually, he would come over for meals and I still wouldn’t eat until I saw his concern. A concerned Derek is a force to be reckoned with. Or maybe it’s just something in me that doesn’t want to cause Derek Hale any more pain. He’s had enough of that.

Slowly, I start to comment back. Mostly because he doesn’t even seem fazed he just continues on like it’s normal. Maybe it is. Maybe I’m finding something new. Wouldn’t that be nice? He talks about nothing and everything. I’m told childhood stories and he lets me in little by little. Knowing he feels some of the same things I do, for different reasons, but guilt is guilt and well there’s always pity. The pity isn’t aimed at me. When I tell Derek something, sometimes his jaw clenches so tight. We talk. It helps to talk. He wants me to go see a professional but then that leads to the supernatural shit storm we live in so I guess that’s a no go. We continue to talk about everything with nothing off limits. It’s refreshing.

I’m not fixed. I still don’t react right, don’t care about the right things. Hell sometimes I can’t even care, it takes too much. Falling in love doesn’t fix someone. The only person who can fix me is me, but it’s nice to have someone there, truly there to listen. Derek is a pretty good listener. Derek stays through all of it. Even the stuff he can’t fix which is a lot. Sometimes I scream at him, say thing’s I don’t mean. Derek leaves then, but he always comes back. I don’t know why but he does. Reliability was always our thing apparently, it still is, maybe even more now.

The first time the pack is together is at Derek’s, weeks after the thing is gone. It’s a simple movie night, no bad guys, no talk of what happened, just a movie. I come late but immediately sit by Derek, my usual spot now, not that the pack knew that. Anxiety sucks, I don’t even bother to try and eat the smell of pizza alone makes me nauseous. Derek makes it manageable, though, sometimes. I used to be comfortable with the pack. They used to make me feel safe. Safety, what a nice thought. I will never feel safe again.  
The pack movie nights became a weekly thing. Eventually, I become comfortable enough to not sit ramrod straight with my teeth clenched. How nice. My own emotions are exhausting.

The first time I comment on the movie playing everyone but Derek absolutely freezes. God the air in the room is gone. Oh, look a panic attack. Derek is there and instead of letting me leave he pushes me into his room telling everyone else to watch the damn movie. Derek just sits beside me like all the other times. He leaves eventually. The pack leaves. Derek returns and stays beside me till I fall asleep. It’s a thing we do now. I have a panic attack, Derek sits beside me, I fall asleep an unknown amount of time later. I haven’t had so many panic attacks since my mom died.

I don’t show up to the next pack movie night.

Or the next.

Derek comes over after each one, he told me I need to talk to the pack tell them what I need from them. That seems awfully selfish.

Scott comes to talk to me, like actually talking not just puppy eyes and pity. I yell and yell and yell till I can’t yell anymore. He leaves and I feel better because I finally said everything I wanted to even though it probably hurt him.

I go to the next pack night.

I make comments but this time, ignore the rest of the pack's reactions to me actually talking. God how long has it been since I spoke aloud to anyone but Derek? I should probably work on that. The pack night is not great but it’s better. I’m getting better. Derek became the person I trust most in my life. He can’t fix me but he helps. He steadies me.

The first time we kiss is at Derek’s while we are watching a movie together. Kissing is good. That is one thing I will require in the future. Derek steadies me but he also makes me a little unsteady but in the best way, a new way.

Derek is always there even when I fall and I’m getting better.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Unsteady" by X Ambassadors.  
> Stiles has panic attacks but not graphically.  
> This is my first fic!  
> You can find me on tumblr at [fireflystiles](http://fireflystiles.tumblr.com)


End file.
